Bad Call

Song I wrote to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqsL0QQaSP4

Dear Kellsie,

With the whole "you don't love Jake" drunken thing come to light, I've started thinking. Like, more than the usual amount. Was it just because I was drunk, or was there truth behind it? I haven't talked about this in a while, because it was a terrible time in my life, but Jake and I did briefly break up last year. I went on the rebound and hooked up with two guys. Breaking up with Jake and what I did while we were broken up is the biggest mistake I have ever made.

Now that we're back together and in college, though, things have been better. Well, at least my sober self thinks so. I went to one of Jake's frat's parties and met a guy there, Rogelio. We talked while Jake played beer pong and had been talking as friends; there were no issues, it was just good old-fashioned platonic friendship. Then, as I always do when things are good, I fucked up. I got drunk at my friend's birthday party and instead of calling Jake for a ride, I called Rogelio. In my defense, I knew Jake was hanging out with some actives and that he doesn't have a car, so I didn't want to bug him. Still, I should have called him or at least talked to him and kept him updated on what was happening.

Megan, my sorority sister, Rogelio, and I all went to get insomnia cookies and went back to my room to play uno, my favorite game of all time. After that night, Rogelio talked to me more than usual and we hung out at the library with some other people until about four in the morning, without Jake. Then, I went to Jake's frat's Halloween party. Rogelio was there and we took a photo together, but didn't dance or anything. The next day, Rogelio sent me the photo of us and said my outfit was on point. Keep in mind my outfit was a slutty costume. He started getting flirty, so I told Jake about it and he got pissed. This made sense. I mean, I had been kind of sketchy and who likes it when their frat brother hits on their girlfriend? Needless to say, I stopped talking to Rogelio.

I'm just confused now. When I was talking to Rogelio and he got flirty, I didn't care. I mean, it bugged me, because he knew I had a boyfriend and that my boyfriend is his frat brother, but I didn't have feelings for him at all or even enjoy the attention. Right before Jake and I broke up, I was getting hit on by some guys and I felt guilty because I liked it. I liked that someone besides my boyfriend of one year at the time was into me. So I broke up with Jake. But that's not how this is. I feel safe in my relationship and don't want anyone else. I don't have feelings for anyone else and can't imagine life without Jake. But does someone who's happy in their relationship tell their friends they don't love their boyfriend while they're drunk? If I really were happy, wouldn't I be crazy about him while I was drunk and be all over him? Then I start to think: do I call him dumb and say that stuff because of my personality or because the truth comes out when I'm drunk? I have no idea and it's driving me nuts.

Sincerely,
Alice.