Fight Night

Song I wrote to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtNS1afUOnE


Dear Kellsie,

I just can't seem to find happiness, no matter where I look. Even when things are good, they lack something I can't put my finger on.

Jake and I had a huge fight on Friday. We had been having small squabbles for days and it finally accumulated into a huge blowout. We talked about breaking up, I hung up on him multiple times, and no "I love you's" were uttered, neither meant nor empty.  The next day, we both apologized and agreed to stay together. By Saturday night, we were fighting again, the same argument being tossed around in circles again and again. I got up and left his room and headed back to mine. I kept stopping and looking back, hoping to see him chasing after me, but I guess that only happens in rom-coms. I finally got to my bed, alone except for the mosquito bites on my arms from waiting at dusk for too long.

About an hour later, I texted Jake, asking him to come over so we could at least talk. He said he would, but when I asked when, he told me he was with his friend out running errands and didn't know for sure yet. This just upset me further. It's really hard to make plans with Jake, because he's a pledge in a fraternity, so his schedule is largely controlled by the whim of his actives. Saturday night was supposed to be time for us though; something set aside just for us. So, when he said he'd already made alternate plans, I was hurt.

I guess it was my fault, for leaving, but I just needed an hour to clear my head before spending all night with him. We were supposed to watch "Zoo" on Netflix and eat McDonald's and have sex and just have a good time in my room, since I have my own door to lock and no roommate. But, since he had just gotten back from a retreat, he was tired and wanted to sleep, so I gave him three hours to sleep and then went to his room when he woke up so we could watch TV there. When I got there, he just wanted to nap again, which annoyed me because I was invited to two other events I could have gone to while he was sleeping and instead was wasting my time while he napped and I was wide awake, so I thought I was justified in leaving.

He finally did come over, though, about four hours after our phone call, and brought McDonald's as a peace offering. I had just eaten, but ate it anyway to show my acceptance of our pitiful truce. We had sex and everything was fine. Just fine, like it always is. This is true love, ladies and gentlemen, my night in shining armor. I guess I should be more grateful, at least he was trying, which is more than I can say. I just can't shake this feeling that something isn't right. I don't know what it is or how to fix it, so I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing for now. Do you want to know something really funny? This post was supposed to be positive. I can't even be happy in my writing.

Sincerely,
Alice.