Circles

Song I wrote to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8tLS_NOWLs

Dear Kellsie,

My anxiety has been through the roof lately. You know how, when you take antibiotics to get rid of an illness, your body becomes a bit more immune to the drugs every time you take them? I wonder if the same thing happens with antidepressants. I started off really strong this year at college, but I've been in a funk for about a week now. It just seems like whatever I do, things end up badly. I feel like I'm suffocating and I just can't breathe. I'm back in the place where I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things had been going so well for a while there; I almost believed it could last.

The tricky thing about depression and anxiety is that I have no "reason" to feel the way I do. I grew up in a house where I never worried where my next meal was coming from. My parents gave me food, clothing, and shelter. I was an all-district, defensive player of the year, captain of my varsity team all by the time I was a sophomore. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm not the most dull, either. I was never bullied and I don't have some tragic backstory. The thing is, my brain doesn't take this into account when creating dopamine and serotonin. It doesn't care about logic or reason. I just am the way I am, and nothing can change that. Not even drugs can, as I have been finding out.

For now, I'll do the only thing that for sure helps: sleep. The only problem is that I'm an insomniac; even the simplest thing human beings do is hard for me. God and I aren't exactly on speaking terms so if you could pray for me that'd be great.

Sincerely,
Alice.